*** THIS IS A RETELLING OF A DIVINE EVENT, TREAT THE CONTENTS AS SUCH ***
*** DATE: 3/6/23 7:26 A.M. ***
Dewey and Louise entered their old home for the first time in a while. Their owner was elated.
Oh my god! Where were you guys? I’m so glad to see you, a-yes I am!
Please don’t talk like that to us.
AH! God, I forgot you guys can talk! Man, wow.
Yeah, it truly is a crazy world we are living in. Speaking of, looks like you are rebounding from that couch incident quite well.
Oh, yes! What even was that, like what a crazy unexplainable-
Um, we actually can explain it.
Hmm?
Yeah, so basically, our cat god is fighting couches, and they were getting extremely popular, and were gaining conscious power, and that’s why we were gathering all these toys, and being a little rude, and this increase in couch consciousness is why you were feeling all tired and lazy and didn’t do anything for a month and-
Dewey, you really suck at telling stories. Like, wow. You have the oration level of a 4 year old. Hey, you, do you want me to repeat what he said, but better?
No, I think I got it, well, at least as much as I will be able to. Also, do you not know my name?
Hmm, I . . . don’t think so. Do you know it, Dewey?
Nope.
That is really bad, we lived with you for years and don’t remember your name.
Okay, well, I’m The Protagonist.
Huh?
Wait, like you are the main character? Or your real name is “The Protagonist”.
No, like that is my name.
Hmm, that is strange.
Yeah. Well, I didn’t come up with it. If I had my way, I would’ve named myself Pulled Pork Sandwich.
No one spoke for a while. Louise and Dewey stared out through the window, at the floor, at each other. Anywhere but The Protagonist.
Welp, good conversation guys, just ask if you want treats.
