*** THIS IS A RETELLING OF A DIVINE EVENT, TREAT THE CONTENTS AS SUCH ***
*** DATE: 2/13/23 7:26 A.M. ***
By Jove, this pressure!
Shimo! What is with this presence? The couches haven’t taken over the world have they?
My Lord, I haven’t a clue. Shall I go investigate?
No, I fear this tension may pop at any moment, and in that case we will need your intelligence, Shimo.
Well, if you may let me flex that intelligence, I may say that our worst option is to just sit around and let them come at us.
Astalba gave Shimo a stink eye of sorts, then hung his head.
Shall I talk to them? . . .
Dewey and Louise?
But, . . but, we need them to get our toys, I . . . uh,
My Lord, calm down. This will just be a minor interruption, they will be back to gathering toys in no time.
Fine, but make it quick, we will need as many toys as we can get.
Shimo then zipped out of Litrinaht, and into the material world, where he came face to face with Dewey and Louise. Shimo noticed that there was a couple more couches in the house than the last time he was there, and the house was dusty as could be. They were startled, to say the least, but were nonetheless comforted by his presence.
Oh! Blessings of the Cat God, Shimo.
Yes, Blessings, Blessings. . . Dewey. Louise. Have you any information about the couches? Our lord has sensed an overbearing presence of some kind, and he suspects an increase in the conscious power of the couches. I can already see something is off with the two of you.
Of course somethin’s wrong! You see all these couches, how this house is all dirty and dusty! At least we don’t rely on the humans to clean us, right Louie?
Dewey, shut your damn mouth. This is serious.
Shimo, I think the couches have been somehow invading the minds of the humans. A week or so ago, everyone in the house started wanting to do nothing but sit on couches. They didn’t have enough couches, so they bought more, and kept buying more.
Where are they now?
In the living room, sitting on couches, obviously. They have been there for the past week.
The three cats entered the living room to find it exactly as Dewey described. There were couches from corner to corner, and a television at the one end. The family were all laying down on their own couch, staring at the TV. The room stank of body odor.
My word, we need to get back to Litrinaht. Gather your toys and I will transport us.
The cats assembled a gargantuan pile of laser pointers, candy wrappers, balls and anything of the like. It was a sight to behold.
Wow, I would spend more time congratulating you, but we truly need to go.
In an instant, they zipped through a hole in space time, and found themselves face to face with Astalba, the lord of cats.
Greetings, my children. You have done well, but we do not have time to–
A̴s̵t̴a̶l̶b̸a̶,̴ ̷t̵h̷e̵ ̵t̸i̴m̵e̷ ̸h̷a̸s̸ ̷c̶o̸m̴e̵
What? Stulgott, is that you?
W̸h̶a̷t̶ ̸i̷f̷ ̷i̸t̴ ̷w̵a̶s̴?̵
Semantics, of course it is you. You absolute buffoon. I know what you are here for, and I do not intend to let you have it.
O̷h̷ ̵m̸e̶i̵n̴ ̴g̴o̷t̶!̵ ̵I̷ ̵a̵m̶ ̴j̵u̷s̴t̴ ̴j̶o̶s̴h̷i̶n̵g̷ ̸y̷o̶u̶,̵ ̴o̵f̴ ̴c̴o̷u̴r̶s̶e̵ ̵i̵t̷ ̴i̴s̴ ̴m̵e̷,̵ ̴S̶t̷u̵l̴g̷o̵t̸t̷!̶ ̴
̷a̷n̷d̷ ̴w̷h̸y̵ ̸y̴e̴s̵ ̵I̶ ̶a̷m̵ ̶h̸e̴r̴e̷ ̴f̸o̶r̶ ̸t̵h̶e̴ ̴t̶o̸y̸s̵.̴
I̴̤̲̓̅̾̿́͠ͅ ̸̳̜͔̀̄̈ ̶̹͖̪̐͒͊͐ͅ ̷͇̳̠͌̋ ̵̛̱̙̘͋̉̄͊͝ ̵̛̬ ̸̲̬̦̠̳̔͜ ̴̢̰̖͗̑͂̇̇H̴̺̤͙͉͙͎̅U̷̢̥̙̳̹͗N̵̛͈̣͍͒͑͜͝Ģ̶̛̫̜̣́̓̔̿̈́E̵͔̦͐͊̌̈́R̸̲̒
